Follow me as I wade through the illegal and confusing world of sex toys in India.
“Sir, I have a vagina. But you’ll have to see it quickly because I don’t want any trouble” says Manoj, before taking out a crude, colourful representation that looks like Willy Wonka’s attempt at designing a sex-toy.
But then again, this is exactly what I had hoped to find when I had decided to gift my recently dumped best friend a sex toy for his birthday. I thought the gift would be a cheeky way to lift his spirits. Some focussed Google searches later, I found myself in Fort - one of the busiest business districts in town – scouring street-side stalls that, as I had read on the Internet, stock a wide variety of naughty stuff under the guise of ‘Head Massagers’.
From a distance, these stalls look like your usual street-side setups, selling cheap electronics and colourful toys; but take a closer look and the phallic shapes of the plastic dildos are hard to miss. The regular office crowd, rushing to its cubicle filled offices, didn’t even give these stalls a second look. But for me this was a new experience. Standing there on the busy footpath, surrounded by foot long phalluses, I suddenly became curious to know more about these instruments of pleasure. After a few monosyllabic answers from the shopkeepers to my queries, I realized that asking questions is not really welcome here owing to the illegal nature of the business. You are expected to be very clear about what you are looking for, and a simple exchange of the goods with hard cash is what these shops encourage.
A street-side shop selling 'Head Massagers'
Eventually, with the promise of giving him some business, I convinced a shopkeeper called Manoj (name changed) to be my guide for the day. He started my education with a lesson on the two different types of dildos that these shops stock – plastic and rubber. The plastic ones are cheap and retail at Rs 250 while the rubber ones are more like the real deal and go for upwards of Rs 3000. The star of the show though is the ‘Kenyan’ sized rubber dildo that flies off the shelves as soon as its stock arrives. A class on dildos was followed by one on vibrators – keychain vibrators, nail sized vibrators and even a glow in the dark one. “Women love buying these not just for themselves, but also as wedding gifts for their friends” he went on to tell me. From pleasure tools for the womenfolk we moved on to the more pressing concern of the day – sex toys for men.
This is where Manoj whipped out the very realistic looking replica of a vagina (Rs 2000) that I currently find myself staring at. Made of thermoplastic rubber it’s even got a tuft of pubes gracing its sides. “It is a blessing for people who travel a lot”, Manoj tells me like a usual salesman. He insists that I touch it to feel how identical to the real thing it is. I accept the offer reluctantly and ‘feel’ the material to keep Manoj appeased. Wiping my hand on the back of my jeans, I listen to Manoj as he tells me the different types of sprays and creams that he sells - There is Jaguar Power cream(Rs 600) that you massage on your samaan (penis) to make it longer; Tiger King tablets(Rs 1200) let you last longer in the sack; Spraying Dooz spray (Rs 400) on your junk improves your ‘timing’ and Injoy drops(Rs 400), which when consumed with milk, ‘awaken sex in bored and dull women’. He goes on to add that all the stuff that he sells at his shop can be home delivered for discreet customers.
Crystal ‘Spiked’ Condoms
I point at a colourful packet that reads ‘Crystal Condoms’ (Rs. 400) and ask about the speciality of these condoms over regular ones. He takes one out and while showing me the spikes that dot the entire surface of the condom, says - “It’s more fun for the woman. Also, it’s reusable. After every session, you can just wash it and keep it back in the drawer for the next time.” Manoj is not done yet and has saved the best for last. He shows me a picture of a busty life-sized doll (5 foot 5 inches) that one can blow up and fill the void that an ex has left behind. After looking at the photograph, I can see why people would be willing to buy the doll – it’s beautiful, has a great figure and is incredibly life-like. The price though is astronomically high for an inanimate girlfriend - Rs.16500. While I am contemplating what to buy, my friend whose birthday it is, calls me up to tell me that he has patched things up with his girlfriend, rendering my very reason to buy a sex-toy - null and void. Crestfallen, I decide to take my leave and offer Manoj Rs 200 for the walkthrough that he has given me. He accepts the sum gleefully but not before making one last attempt at selling me something. Pointing at the Injoy Drops he says “Sir, just try these once. Mix a couple of drops in your girl’s cup of coffee and see her turn into a tigress”. With a heavy heart I tell him about the non-existence of my girlfriend. “Doesn’t matter, the drops would work on your boyfriend too” he says with a straight face.
So what do you guys think about sex toys? Should they continue to remain illegal or should they be legalized? Let us know in the comments section below.