A note to all men with a desire to change the way women experience them.
If you’re one of the lucky few who doesn’t know what the friend zone is: its when the person you want to date likes you but sans the sex. Call it borderline sibling love. I can almost see the folks with experience in this department recoil at the thought. I’ve had my share of being in the zone but I’m a fast learner so life is better these days. Here I bring to you expert tips through my wealth of experience, ammunition so to say to destroy this perennial male dilemma. One of the worst things for testosterone generation is being thrown into the platonic pool of affection where the only kisses being exchanged are the ones with blue ticks next to them.
Friendzoned should be a relationship status on Facebook. Image source: onsizzle.com
Most of my friends are so talented at friend-zoning themselves, it’s a skill they should put on their resume. For my girlfriends (girls who are friends in this case), friend zoning is not something they intentionally do, but a mechanism to separate the men from the wimps. Every guy they meet have a window of opportunity to date them. Every guy. But depending on the guy’s understanding of this dynamic, either he succeeds in dating her or befriends her hoping to date her.
Having money just makes it worse. In the good old days when I had some, I used to think dinners, gifts and trips will make me irresistible. Until one day a girl I had been trying woo for months broke my heart into many small pieces. I had been doing the good friend thing for so long, the opportunity to date her had long passed, and she finally told me: “I don’t see you like that. You’re my 4am person who I trust and love…but as a friend.”
Friends with NO benefits. Image source: memecenter.com
That last line about loving as a friend burns like acid. For a man, this story is anything but funny. I know guys who’ve been friends with girls for YEARS hoping that one day she’ll change how she feels and date him. Unfortunately that’s not how it works (ask me), even though Bollywood spins a different tale to make us believe in the Disney Dream. Following are the epiphanies I’m about to dish out like a fresh fucking risotto.
The Guide to killing the friend zone for life:
Don’t be a man-boy
Set the tone of your relationship with any girl you interact with right from the start. If you never make a move that can be interpreted as sexual, how will she ever know you’re attracted to her? Assume attraction and familiarity from the start. Flirt with her. But in ways that make her wonder.
If she EVER talks about her ex who she still thinks about, reply with “I charge for therapy so I hope you have your credit card”. She should instantly know you’re a sex worthy guy who has his head screwed on tight with zero intentions of being the friend. I tried this and it worked. Like magic.
Don’t be needy or servile. Image source: memecenter.com
You can’t cheat her into sleeping with you
By trying to first become the close friend and then sleep with her is a theory that is destined to fail. Don’t try and be the different gentleman who proves to her who she should be with. That proving shit always backfires like backgammon so NO. She doesn’t want you to pay for her, do her errands and be in the safe zone . She wants a man who is unashamed of his desires and confident enough to go get it. Don’t agree with everything she says just because you want her to like you. Sometimes intentionally break the rapport to see if she’s emotionally investing in the conversation or just talking to you because there’s no one else to talk to. I do this. I rock the boat every now and then. And no, it’s not because I’m an insecure freak.
You have to risk losing her forever
So if you want to turn a friend into a lover, you have to make the move. There is no way around it. Ask her out. If she likes to drink, go out for a few. If she likes bowling, bowl. At a high point of the interaction, get close to her, lean in and kiss her. Expect shock OR a half smiling face that says “FINALLY”. She will probably move away and stare at you with a “wtf I cant believe he just tried to kiss me” look. Let it marinate and DO NOT apologise. When she asks you why you just tried to kiss her you can be honest with something like “cause I think you’re sexy. I always have”.
There’s no need to “game” her since she knows you well and anything other than the truth will be fake. I’m a big believer in honesty. Unless it doesn’t work.
You’re my 4am person who I love…as a friend
Walk the talk
Even if she doesn’t kiss you back or tell you she likes you, she will respect you for being the man who went for what he wanted. Don’t be needy or servile with any pleading or crying (do it silently in your head). Just be and let her be in that moment. Either you’ll never see her again or she will start dating you. No in-between and that’s how it should be. She will go home and ponder, might tell all her friends about it and put a drake quote on Facebook. You’ll feel embarrassed and rejected but what’s important is that you did what a man should do. You lead. A woman will always be attracted to a man who takes the lead without apology. Maybe after a few days or weeks she’ll decide to date you, she’ll miss the attention or maybe she’ll never contact you again. What matters is that she finally knows how you feel and you did something about it.
Best way to avoid the Doom of Platonica is to ensure you never take the route that leads to its entry. Amen brothers.
Until next time.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are independent views solely of the author(s) expressed in their private capacity and do not in any way represent or reflect the views of 101India.com.
By Roshmin Mehandru
Cover photo credit: reddit.com