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Seduction 101 : The Art of Sexual Conversation

Some consider the art of flirting the gift of the alpha male. A way of being, only bestowed upon those fortunate enough to have natural game. The holy grail of sexual dynamics. I don’t entirely agree. If I could describe the art of sexual conversation I'd say it's a skill that can be learned well and how. Numerous factors come into play. Expressions, words, body synchronization and varied elements determine the intensity of attraction triggered. Women are a hundred times more intuitive about these things. I learned it the hard way.

I mean If only I had a dollar for every time a girl rejected me for my turbid tongue during younger years. The reasons were plain for everyone to see. It wasn’t because I was average to look at or was half broke. It was because I didn’t know what to say and when to say it. Like many well bred males out there, I’d been raised as a nice guy. Chivalrous and sickly sweet. Qualities that are admirable in the conventional sense of the term, but counter productive when it comes to attraction. I’m not saying guys should be assholes but the dynamics of attraction work around value. These rules of value need to be followed.

To demonstrate, last week a close friend of mine, who’s your typical nice guy, came out with me bar hopping and we met lots of girls. I wanted a first hand insight from the girls as to what works and what doesn’t.

We hit the first bar and jumped into a group of 4 girls who all looked in their mid-twenties. Two of them were blonde and other two Mediterranean they said. As my buddy started chatting them up, I saw expressions of the girls change from smiley and wide eyed to plain ole bored eyes. He was saying things like “How beautiful all of you are” & “Am I your type?”. I took one of the girls to the side and asked for her candid opinion.

“What is my friend doing wrong that none of your girls find him attractive?”

“Well, he’s too sweet and predictable. That’s boring, it’s like talking to my brother or his friends”

When you Approach

A great way to trigger attraction or just get her attention is reverse the frame. Imagine you’re the hot girl and she’s the guy hitting on you. Say it playfully though with a half-smile.

I transmit that info straight to my friend within two minutes and we hit up next group of girls.

He starts applying that advice and begins saying edgy things – things he couldn’t imagine saying before – and a magical thing happens, the girls start giggling and loving it. One of the girls grabs him and takes him to the other side of the bar. I follow to have an overview of the conversation and track his progress.

She starts telling him that he HAS to buy her a drink. He obliges and does it. I shake my head in disappointment as the girl walks back to her girls with her triumphant free drink leaving my friend scratching his head.

When youre 2 Drinks down

Never buy a drink for a girl unless you’re dating her. That’s my cardinal rule. Don’t let her think that you need to spend money in exchange for her time. Your personality is enough to keep her engaged. In addition, reversing the frame and making her buy you a drink in exchange for your time is a fun tactic and will make you stand out instantly.

I take him to the next group of girls. He stays in character and keeps going till the time the same thing happens. She asks him to buy her a drink. He refuses and says that “she hasn’t earned it yet”. She hits him on his arm playfully. Perfect.

After few minutes of edgy statements from him, she moves in closer to his face and says “you smell good” implying she wants a kiss. He freezes. She waits for a couple of seconds and then walks away. Him not making the move when the apt time comes causes her attraction for him to dwindle.

Before You Kiss Her

The pattern is set. We start talking to other girls. The same process happens and this time when the energies around the girl’s face tingles, he doesn’t shy away and goes in for a kiss sensing a subtle cue from her. She responds and an electric kiss follows. He’s nailing it. Fast learner.

She’s totally into him and I can tell she wants to leave with him. I signal to him to take her hand and tell her that they’re going for food now. He does exactly that and within few minutes they leave the bar. Perfect synchronization.

The Pull

Being uncertain about taking a decision will make her doubt you, so always take the lead. With icy confidence. Long story short, this art isn’t an easy one. It takes time, practice and most important persistence. Girls will reject you, laugh at you and sometimes even leave you hanging. Developing the skill is most important. To win her, you have to risk losing her – which means you will have to say and do things that aren’t safe or comfortable, but edgy.

My Pointers:

  1.  Tease her in a playful way.

  2. Stay confident yet aware

  3. Don’t worry if you cross the line. Just move onto the next topic.

  4. Lean back and stay non needy

The Morning After


By Roshmin Mehandru