Love may be blind but jealousy has 20-20 vision. Reader meet Jealousy. Jealousy meet Reader. Both of you know each other exceptionally well and think about each other more often than you’re willing to admit.
Welcome to Earth, the land of envy. So the difference between jealousy and envy: Envy is a two person situation and jealousy is a three person situation. Envy is when you wish you had your buddy’s car or money. Jealousy is when you wish you had his girl. “Envousy” is when you wish you had his life. All three suck. The life out of you.
Such is our world, where everybody is envious of atleast one person they know whether it’s for their money, looks or lifestyle. Jealousy has many children: Romantic, platonic, friendship, parent – child, sibling, etc. Often girls too can be super bitchy or conniving when jealousy takes over. They go to great lengths to get their man back. Today I will be shining a shit ton of light on how to discard jealousy when it does not serve you and how to use it to your advantage when you’re in a sticky situation.
DISCLAIMER: Follow this advice at your own risk. I am forced to put this here in case a newbie tries this and gets slapped in public. The distinction is yours to draw.
As usual, all great stories of reminisce value start with I walked up to this girl at a bar…It was this strange but cool bar where I took a few buddies who I wanted to play cupid for. One of them in particular had just broke up with his 3 week old girlfriend and wanted a new one.
Group of 4: 2 guys 2 girls. Me and Ryan (my buddy) walk into the group and start making loud yelling noises. They look at us funny. But they're smiling. "Weirdos" i think to myself. Ryan tells one of the girls that her scent reminds him of his puppy. She looks shocked. The other girl (Jessica) hugs Ryan and says “haha you’re funny”. Jessica is tall, has brown eyes, fake eyelashes, and in a flowing blue - body hugging dress with hip length brown hair. Ryan looks at me and smiling while he does it, takes Jessica to the bar to grab a drink. I start chatting with the other two dudes who seem to be getting pissed that we’re taking their girls away. I leave them with their girl and go to Ryan who’s throwing salt in Jessica’s mouth followed by 3 tequila shots.
At this point he says something edgy but ends up sounding cocky stupid: “You’re cute but you might look better with black lipstick.” He was attempting to give her a backhanded compliment to amplify attraction. She’s pissed.
Jessica storms off.
“Fuck dude, I shouldn’t have said that. She’s super mad and she was just like fuck you” he says running up to me.
“Yeah you shouldn’t you idiot. Don’t say shit like that unless it’s part of a bigger plan like you actually pull out a new range of lipstick for her like you’re fucking Houdini.” I say.
It was time to jump into the plot. The jealousy plot basically involves parading another girl, preferably hotter, right in front of wandered off original girl, to display massive value to her. Then discarding the pawn girl at the right moment and getting the girl you like - who is now aware that you are an attractive man with real value.
I explain to Ryan what we’re about to do. He complies and walks up to a rando girl. He chats with her for about 30 seconds and proceeds to walk her out of the bar to “meet some friends”. She’s digging him. He walks with her hand in hand across the bar with Jessica watching as he does it. But Ryan takes it to the next level. The second he makes eye contact with Jessica, he shows her the middle finger and continues walking along with new girl.
Side note: I don’t recommend showing the finger to a girl. It’s not something I would do because it’s not required and it can backfire. Ryan did it because, well, he has issues and might have had a bad childhood. Not to mention tequila, a hurt ego and a recent breakup.
Jessica’s eyes and mouth go wide like a valley. Within seconds, he says byebye to the “pawn” girl and runs up to Jessica who’s still semi shocked. He takes her hand and moves to the bar. He apologises for the finger and tells her he really likes her. Two minutes later they’re kissing and they passionately continue for atleast 30 seconds. And so the plan worked like summer butter.
Some say jealousy is one of the most powerful emotions, right up there with arousal and anger. Ever been jealous of your ex’s new boyfriend? Or of your secret crush friend’s new boyfriend. Don’t fret though. Control it before it controls you.
My Tips to deal with Jealousy:
Let your girl be free and independent at a party while giving her just enough attention. Don’t be the clingy boyfriend. If she actually values you, she won’t mess around.
At the same time, if somebody tries to get fresh with her while making her uncomfortable, step in and protect her. Don’t stand on the sidelines watching her fight some creep.
Jealousy is natural. React calmly in any situation. For eg. If her ex is in the room and she’s getting a little weirded, help her cope. Be the anchor in her chaos.
Until next time.
By Roshmin Mehandru